‘Love Yourself’

Are you ignoring the red flags?

Sometimes us women find ourselves ignoring little things that feel off with a man.

We are making so many excuses for his behavior or even blaming ourselves if something is wrong in our relationship.

Are you tolerating things which deep down inside in your gut you know you shouldn’t be tolerating?

Maybe a man is just not a good match for us but we want it to work out so much that we are ignoring some major red flags.

Let me give you a few examples of the red flags.

You have been dating this guy for a few months but he is comfortable in ignoring you sometimes for days or seeing you just one time in a week or even one time in a few weeks.

Sometimes when that happens, you feel ignored and unimportant. I know how it feels.

And then, as soon as he comes back, you feel so happy that he finally reached out.

Just like that, you quickly forgot how bad you actually felt during those days when he left you with a big question mark above your head.

The truth is that you shouldn’t  be left with a big question mark.

You deserve better than that! That kind of behavior should be a huge turn off for you.

If you were present in the moment, you would have realized that being ignored by a man for a few weeks is a red flag.

Maybe you are “putting things under the carpet” and stuffing them down with the hope that things will change when he realizes how great you are. Let me inform you about something.

Let me inform you about something.

When a woman tolerates and allows any kind of disrespectful, inconsiderable or uncaring or even controlling behavior, a man will keep doing it.

“Why?” you may ask and my reply is “Because you are allowing that”.

Because somewhere deep inside you believe you don’t deserve better. We are back again to valuing ourselves and setting the boundaries.

We attract and accept the kind of love we believe we deserve.

If a man you are dating is disappearing regularly and doing whatever he wants, that is a huge red flag which shouldn’t be ignored.

If he can’t fulfill your basic need for a regular contact, imagine then how many other of your needs is he not capable of fulfilling. 

Are you putting him on a pedestal while, in reality, he has so little to offer?

Your question may be: Why are we ignoring to see that this particular man actually has so little to offer?

Maybe you are wondering: Why are we ready to wait for so long for him to step up?

As I mentioned before, the most common reason is chemistry that we develop. Chemistry that comes from an unhealed place in us.

Does a relationship with your man bring more stress than joy into your life ?

Does it make you feel nervous and keep you tense? Do you wonder what is going to happen next? Do you feel angry with him?

Or do you sit at home alone and long for him because he gives you so little of his time? Gives you crumbs while you actually deserve a man who is willing to give you the whole cake and not just the crumbs?

All of the things I just mentioned are examples of red flags and they should never be ignored!

If you’re ignoring the red flags, you are wasting your precious time with a man who wasn’t able to make you happy from the beginning. 

Maybe you are still not willing to see it and admit it.

It is so much better to notice the red flags as soon as possible.

As time is passing by, it is harder to let go of a man because we feel attached.

Anyways, you will have to do it sooner or later so why not to do it straight away.

Now is the time to see the truth or to start to observe it. Admit yourself what is really going on and act accordingly. If it is not working with some guy, there are plenty of fish in the sea!  He is not the only man in the world! Love yourself enough for not to settle for less than great!

Love yourself enough to discard scenarios in which you are not receiving something that you should be receiving. Allow yourself to reject and not be around any man who makes you feel less than great!

The price you need to pay by ignoring the red flags is a lot of your precious time wasted and maybe another heartbreak.

Always be awake and ready to see things as they truly are even if in some cases they are not as you would like them to be!

 

Love,

Andreja


Embrace And Honor Your Feelings And Learn How To Love Yourself

Often we try hard to shut down our feelings out. We all have feelings we don’t like to have because they don’t make us feel good.

We try to suppress them and run away from them. Often we are scared of them and we ignore them.

The problem with not being able to feel our feelings is that they start to control us!

Suppressed feelings can become the monsters that control our behaviour and can also cause health problems.

Actually, nowadays it is well known that most of our diseases are caused by unresolved psychological and emotional issues.

Our feelings just want us to feel, accept, acknowledge and allow them.

Our feelings want us to embrace them and love them, even the negative ones. Your anger, fear, sadness or frustration wants to be accepted and loved by you.

I felt very surprised when I first heard that I was supposed to love and accept my anger or my fear.

How could I love my anger when I just want it to go away?

When we feel angry, we need to feel and acknowledge it. We can express it by hitting a pillow or taking a ball and hit it to the wall. We can’t say: “Go away, anger, I don’t want you!”

If we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling, the emotion will come and go and very often it lasts very shortly. Sometimes only a few seconds. But if we resist our feelings and fight it, it can go on and on for the whole day long. The problem lies in the resistance to feeling so we need to stop resist it!

To be able to love ourselves we need to love all parts of ourselves, all thoughts and feelings and observe ourselves with no judgment and with compassion.

That is the secret for truly LOVING AND ACCEPTING OURSELVES.

Rori Raye in her tool Body Dialogues  explains how we can be compassionate with ourselves.

She calls the voices inside our head, which are saying bad things to us, nasty voices.

They can say to us that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough and so on.

If we hear a voice in our head that is saying something nasty to us we can hear it but not believe it.

For example, if that voice makes us feel sad or doubtful you can say to it something like:

“I feel your sadness.  I feel your doubt. I won’t abandon you. I love you. I embrace you. Thank you for trying to protect me. I am here for you. I am so sorry for your pain and for your suffering. I won’t abandon you but I am not going in a direction you want.”

And you can also add:  “Now I will go with feeling better and continue doing what makes me feel good and what makes me BIGGER and HAPPIER so I can share even more compassion with you and with the world.”

I embrace you. I will not leave you behind, I promise. I won’t abandon you on my way up on the ladder of making myself feeling good and being successful in business and love. I love you, I will take care of you, I forgive you. Thank you. I feel compassion for you. ”

Tem to twenty seconds per day you can thank yourself and verbally express compassion for each voice or feeling that doesn’t make you feel good.

Your resistance to feeling will soften. Just a little softening is enough to help you being able to feel and accept all of your feeling.

The second tool which can also help you tremendously in your emotional health and for loving yourself and being compassionate to yourself is called BODY TALK.

This is very intimate tool and it will help you to embrace each body part and love it.

Whatever you are doing at the moment, just stop. Sit or stand for a moment.

Breed deeply into your belly. Let the breeding settle as lower as you can in your body as you can.

For using this tool, you need to track your body and follow your body sensations. Go to the places of pain, tensions- track your tense shoulders, tense hands, your tense belly or your aching back.

Turn your attention to a body part that is feeling it. Look at that body part if you can and place your hand on it.

For example, if it is a shoulder that is tensed, SPEAK TO IT: “I feel you shoulder. I feel your tension.”

ASK IT: “ What if you could feel better shoulder, what if you could relax?” What if it is true you can feel better? What if it is true it is good to feel good?

BE VERY CURIOUS.  “Shoulder, I love you. You can relax. It is okay to relax. It is okay to let go. You are safe, shoulder. You can let go now. Thank you, shoulder.”

Now whatever you feel, feel it.

Say it loud: I feel….. (sad, scared, upset etc.). Thank you, shoulder. Say your feelings as they come out. Breed into that body part.

SAY:  “I am sorry you feel so tense shoulder, thank you. I am feeling bad about making you tense but it is okay to relax, thank you. ”

You can do this for 30-60 seconds whenever you feel tensed or stuck.

On this way, you will start to experience life through your body and through your feelings instead of through your head. Embracing, honoring and loving your feelings and your body means loving yourself. When you learn to truly love yourself, you will feel so much better and at ease with yourself.

You will radiate self-acceptance and confidence.

When you love yourself, you will start to attract men who will want to love you.

Having feelings is not a bad thing. There are like a compass in this world, showing us what is good or not good for us. We should never be scared of our feelings or resisting it. Allow yourself to feel, embrace and honor your feelings and you will experience what loving yourself truly means.