Sometimes, being a girlfriend isn’t in your best interest if you’re looking for a long term commitment.
You believe that accepting the exclusivity straight away will be the first step to “happily ever after”.
But men don’t think that way!
It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen your man for a few months or a few years, in his eyes you two are dating.
Many women believe that if he introduces you to his family or his friends or, if he has been dating you for a long time, it means your relationship is becoming more serious.
Unfortunately, that’s not true!
Your man believes that until the moment he proposes you, you two are just dating!
Let me give an example for this.
You’ve been seeing a guy for a few months and you really like him. You accepted the title of “girlfriend” and the promise of exclusivity. The problem is that he isn’t calling you as much as you would like, and he’s not seeing you as often as you would like.
It feels like something is missing.
Very often you find yourself thinking about him and wondering if you should stay with him or find someone else. You have strong feelings for him, but it feels as if he isn’t giving you his full attention. For a few days, he is showering you with all his love and affection, and then a couple of days afterward he becomes totally silent. He is acting hot and cold.
You feel scared to tell him that you aren’t happy with his hot and cold behavior. You don’t want to sound needy or desperate.
You start to wonder did you do something wrong to provoke this hot and cold behavior?
I understand how that feels, I’ve been there and we can fix this!
Guys who aren’t steady in expressing their affection and interest can be so draining and not fun. They can make us feel insecure and unimportant and often very confused.
You don’t have much from a guy who calls you one time per week or sees you a few times per month!
What do you do in a situation like this? Is the only solution to leave him and find someone else? Or do you stay with the same behavior in hopes that something may change in the future?
The solution to this is very simple!
If you’re longing for a long term relationship, you shouldn’t allow yourself to become exclusive too soon with anyone. If a marriage is what you want then you shouldn’t become exclusive with anyone until marriage is on the table.
Having fun, going out on many dates, but being intimate with just one guy is the solution!
In order to keep yourself sane and not becoming needy, the best thing to do is not to allow yourself to fall into “a girlfriend trap“.
If you are looking for a long term committed relationship, then it’s for the best to keep your options open until the right guy, who really wants you, claims you by proposing to you.
A period of three or four months is enough to see whether the guy makes you feel great.
If during that period he does his job of meeting your needs well, seeing you at least two times per week, calling you regularly in between, asking you out on dates and you feel really good, then it is okay to continue like that.
If he doesn’t do his job well, and you start to feel insecure and needy by being with him in an exclusive relationship, this is what you can tell him:
“I feel great dating you and I feel awesome in your company, but I don’t want to be a girlfriend. I am looking for someone who I can walk into the sunset with. I am looking for a committed relationship and for someone who is truly here for me. I don’t want to put any pressure on you or on our relationship so I would like to keep my options open by going out on coffee dates with other men“.
If the marriage is what you want, you can share this kind of a speech when you are with a man who doesn’t claim you after around a year of dating him.
Until the moment he proposes you, a man doesn’t feel any real commitment to you.
By allowing yourself to be his girlfriend, you’re at his mercy (at the mercy of his free time, at the mercy of his feelings and decisions etc), and you cut all your options without being sure of the outcome of the relationship.
You are becoming dependent on his behavior, and he has so much control!
That’s why it is crucial to allow yourself to date other men, going for coffee dates or drinks, or going for a walk with different types of men.
By dating other men and keeping your options open, you’ll never allow yourself to become dependent on the outcome of a particular situation with just one man.
The same moment you open an online profile and start to receive messages from many different men, you’ll start to feel so much more relaxed.
You’ll experience having other options.
You’ll start to talk with other men via texts and you’ll immediately feel how much until now you’ve been energetically focused on your man. That extreme focus is very often a reason why he hasn’t come closer to you.
Leaning forward behavior often pushes a man away; and by dating just one man, you can easily start leaning forward and becoming desperate or too dependable.
Going on dates with different men will immediately make you see a bigger picture of possibility instead of enforcing a laser focus on just one man.
Even your man will immediately start to feel that your vibe has shifted and that you aren’t so hung up on him.
Online dating is the best remedy for shifting our vibe straight away and healing ourselves which I will describe more briefly in one of my next blog posts.