I remember around four years ago when I first heard about the system of tools that I am teaching today, I was practicing it on my own.
I was dating a few guys at the same time, which I today call SIM dating as an abbreviation for simultaneously dating more than one guy at the same time.
One evening I met a new guy who left a great first impression on me. He picked up the great place, we had a lot to talk about and it was a perfect evening.
After our date, he told me to text him if I was interested in continuing dating him. It was a red flag for me and I thought “Why is he asking me this?“.
I didn’t feel totally comfortable with that but I remembered that I learned that if a man asks you to do something then it is not masculine energy and leaning forward. During that time I was really practicing being in my feminine energy and leaning back.
I was feeling a bit nervous and excited that night so I didn’t know what to reply but today I would say “I like when a man contacts me first. What do you think?“.
Anyways, I did contact him the next day with a nice feeling statement message and he replied that he will be happy to see me and that he will plan something and call me.
I know it maybe doesn’t look like a big thing because it was just one date, but it was a big thing for me because I thought he was special and I gave him a much more importance that he actually deserved.
It is all in our head when we make some man special from the start even though it is a way too early to jump into that conclusion because he didn’t support it with action. It is what I call “an imaginary picture about a guy“ which then leads to “an imaginary relationship“ where you got yourself invested in a guy way too early.
So I always advise my ladies to treat all the guys that they are SIM dating EQUALLY. Not making one better or more important than another, and rather staying objective and watching their actions.
Let me go back to the story.
I remember around day six, I was feeling so disappointed and had an urge to text him. I was thinking that he is maybe a kind of a guy who needs a little help from my side to realize that I like him. And I was thinking if I do not text him than some other lady will!
Luckily I promised to myself that I will follow this system and one of the boundaries which I was practicing was not to initiate contact at the beginning of a relationship. My choice was rather getting more active on online dating websites and redirecting my energy towards other guys.
That felt really hard for but I stuck to it!
I remember that night on the sixth day I ended up on a date with one of the other guys I was seeing at the same time and wow, that really helped me forget about this guy but still not totally.
During the next few days, I was really active on online dating profiles and went on a few more dates and that all help me to let go of the man who obviously wasn’t interested enough.
I succeeded to observe his lack of effort as a turn-off rather than a call for a more action from my side.
After that sixth and seventh-day crisis, it was much easier to overcome the urge to text him.
Finally, on the 12th day when I already let go of him energetically, he came back and I received his message where he was explaining how he was ill and had food poisoning and was even at a hospital for a few days.
Only when I stopped obsessing about him and making him too important, was he able to come to me!
This blog is already too long to continue writing what happen next with this man but I will rather choose to share what I gained from this experience:
I hope you learned something from this.
Have you ever experienced obsessing about a man and not receiving his texts and then when you forget about him, here he comes?
Have you ever had a hard time wanting to contact him but knowing that you shouldn’t?
Lots of Love,
Sometimes, being a girlfriend isn’t in your best interest if you’re looking for a long term commitment.
You believe that accepting the exclusivity straight away will be the first step to “happily ever after”.
But men don’t think that way!
It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen your man for a few months or a few years, in his eyes you two are dating.
Many women believe that if he introduces you to his family or his friends or, if he has been dating you for a long time, it means your relationship is becoming more serious.
Unfortunately, that’s not true!
Your man believes that until the moment he proposes you, you two are just dating!
Let me give an example for this.
You’ve been seeing a guy for a few months and you really like him. You accepted the title of “girlfriend” and the promise of exclusivity. The problem is that he isn’t calling you as much as you would like, and he’s not seeing you as often as you would like.
It feels like something is missing.
Very often you find yourself thinking about him and wondering if you should stay with him or find someone else. You have strong feelings for him, but it feels as if he isn’t giving you his full attention. For a few days, he is showering you with all his love and affection, and then a couple of days afterward he becomes totally silent. He is acting hot and cold.
You feel scared to tell him that you aren’t happy with his hot and cold behavior. You don’t want to sound needy or desperate.
You start to wonder did you do something wrong to provoke this hot and cold behavior?
I understand how that feels, I’ve been there and we can fix this!
Guys who aren’t steady in expressing their affection and interest can be so draining and not fun. They can make us feel insecure and unimportant and often very confused.
You don’t have much from a guy who calls you one time per week or sees you a few times per month!
What do you do in a situation like this? Is the only solution to leave him and find someone else? Or do you stay with the same behavior in hopes that something may change in the future?
The solution to this is very simple!
If you’re longing for a long term relationship, you shouldn’t allow yourself to become exclusive too soon with anyone. If a marriage is what you want then you shouldn’t become exclusive with anyone until marriage is on the table.
Having fun, going out on many dates, but being intimate with just one guy is the solution!
In order to keep yourself sane and not becoming needy, the best thing to do is not to allow yourself to fall into “a girlfriend trap“.
If you are looking for a long term committed relationship, then it’s for the best to keep your options open until the right guy, who really wants you, claims you by proposing to you.
A period of three or four months is enough to see whether the guy makes you feel great.
If during that period he does his job of meeting your needs well, seeing you at least two times per week, calling you regularly in between, asking you out on dates and you feel really good, then it is okay to continue like that.
If he doesn’t do his job well, and you start to feel insecure and needy by being with him in an exclusive relationship, this is what you can tell him:
“I feel great dating you and I feel awesome in your company, but I don’t want to be a girlfriend. I am looking for someone who I can walk into the sunset with. I am looking for a committed relationship and for someone who is truly here for me. I don’t want to put any pressure on you or on our relationship so I would like to keep my options open by going out on coffee dates with other men“.
If the marriage is what you want, you can share this kind of a speech when you are with a man who doesn’t claim you after around a year of dating him.
Until the moment he proposes you, a man doesn’t feel any real commitment to you.
By allowing yourself to be his girlfriend, you’re at his mercy (at the mercy of his free time, at the mercy of his feelings and decisions etc), and you cut all your options without being sure of the outcome of the relationship.
You are becoming dependent on his behavior, and he has so much control!
That’s why it is crucial to allow yourself to date other men, going for coffee dates or drinks, or going for a walk with different types of men.
By dating other men and keeping your options open, you’ll never allow yourself to become dependent on the outcome of a particular situation with just one man.
The same moment you open an online profile and start to receive messages from many different men, you’ll start to feel so much more relaxed.
You’ll experience having other options.
You’ll start to talk with other men via texts and you’ll immediately feel how much until now you’ve been energetically focused on your man. That extreme focus is very often a reason why he hasn’t come closer to you.
Leaning forward behavior often pushes a man away; and by dating just one man, you can easily start leaning forward and becoming desperate or too dependable.
Going on dates with different men will immediately make you see a bigger picture of possibility instead of enforcing a laser focus on just one man.
Even your man will immediately start to feel that your vibe has shifted and that you aren’t so hung up on him.
Online dating is the best remedy for shifting our vibe straight away and healing ourselves which I will describe more briefly in one of my next blog posts.