Often we try hard to shut down our feelings out. We all have feelings we don’t like to have because they don’t make us feel good.
We try to suppress them and run away from them. Often we are scared of them and we ignore them.
The problem with not being able to feel our feelings is that they start to control us!
Suppressed feelings can become the monsters that control our behaviour and can also cause health problems.
Actually, nowadays it is well known that most of our diseases are caused by unresolved psychological and emotional issues.
Our feelings just want us to feel, accept, acknowledge and allow them.
Our feelings want us to embrace them and love them, even the negative ones. Your anger, fear, sadness or frustration wants to be accepted and loved by you.
I felt very surprised when I first heard that I was supposed to love and accept my anger or my fear.
How could I love my anger when I just want it to go away?
When we feel angry, we need to feel and acknowledge it. We can express it by hitting a pillow or taking a ball and hit it to the wall. We can’t say: “Go away, anger, I don’t want you!”
If we allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling, the emotion will come and go and very often it lasts very shortly. Sometimes only a few seconds. But if we resist our feelings and fight it, it can go on and on for the whole day long. The problem lies in the resistance to feeling so we need to stop resist it!
To be able to love ourselves we need to love all parts of ourselves, all thoughts and feelings and observe ourselves with no judgment and with compassion.
That is the secret for truly LOVING AND ACCEPTING OURSELVES.
Rori Raye in her tool Body Dialogues explains how we can be compassionate with ourselves.
She calls the voices inside our head, which are saying bad things to us, nasty voices.
They can say to us that we are not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough and so on.
If we hear a voice in our head that is saying something nasty to us we can hear it but not believe it.
For example, if that voice makes us feel sad or doubtful you can say to it something like:
“I feel your sadness. I feel your doubt. I won’t abandon you. I love you. I embrace you. Thank you for trying to protect me. I am here for you. I am so sorry for your pain and for your suffering. I won’t abandon you but I am not going in a direction you want.”
And you can also add: “Now I will go with feeling better and continue doing what makes me feel good and what makes me BIGGER and HAPPIER so I can share even more compassion with you and with the world.”
I embrace you. I will not leave you behind, I promise. I won’t abandon you on my way up on the ladder of making myself feeling good and being successful in business and love. I love you, I will take care of you, I forgive you. Thank you. I feel compassion for you. ”
Tem to twenty seconds per day you can thank yourself and verbally express compassion for each voice or feeling that doesn’t make you feel good.
Your resistance to feeling will soften. Just a little softening is enough to help you being able to feel and accept all of your feeling.
The second tool which can also help you tremendously in your emotional health and for loving yourself and being compassionate to yourself is called BODY TALK.
This is very intimate tool and it will help you to embrace each body part and love it.
Whatever you are doing at the moment, just stop. Sit or stand for a moment.
Breed deeply into your belly. Let the breeding settle as lower as you can in your body as you can.
For using this tool, you need to track your body and follow your body sensations. Go to the places of pain, tensions- track your tense shoulders, tense hands, your tense belly or your aching back.
Turn your attention to a body part that is feeling it. Look at that body part if you can and place your hand on it.
For example, if it is a shoulder that is tensed, SPEAK TO IT: “I feel you shoulder. I feel your tension.”
ASK IT: “ What if you could feel better shoulder, what if you could relax?” What if it is true you can feel better? What if it is true it is good to feel good?
BE VERY CURIOUS. “Shoulder, I love you. You can relax. It is okay to relax. It is okay to let go. You are safe, shoulder. You can let go now. Thank you, shoulder.”
Now whatever you feel, feel it.
Say it loud: I feel….. (sad, scared, upset etc.). Thank you, shoulder. Say your feelings as they come out. Breed into that body part.
SAY: “I am sorry you feel so tense shoulder, thank you. I am feeling bad about making you tense but it is okay to relax, thank you. ”
You can do this for 30-60 seconds whenever you feel tensed or stuck.
On this way, you will start to experience life through your body and through your feelings instead of through your head. Embracing, honoring and loving your feelings and your body means loving yourself. When you learn to truly love yourself, you will feel so much better and at ease with yourself.
You will radiate self-acceptance and confidence.
When you love yourself, you will start to attract men who will want to love you.
Having feelings is not a bad thing. There are like a compass in this world, showing us what is good or not good for us. We should never be scared of our feelings or resisting it. Allow yourself to feel, embrace and honor your feelings and you will experience what loving yourself truly means.